A rundown of my day thus far:

~ Amy arrives at McDonalds for a $1, 32 oz. iced tea (Again trying to cut back on the soda consumption, yet have to do something to curb the caffeine withdrawals.. ergo, the tea).~ "What's this? No cash? Never fear, I shall just pay with my debit card."

~ Rifles through wallet.~ "What's this? No debit card? CRAP!"

~Scrounges together $1.09 from seat cushion while musing about sales tax increase~ Hmm... I bet that sucker is still at the Outback where we had delicious fish and chips last night.

~Note to self: Call Outback.~

~Arrives at work toting giant iced tea and wearing jeans for the first time all week due to massive amounts of chigger bites.~ While skirts are bad because they show off the hideous-ness of my situation, jeans are worse for irritating the little jerks. But it's Friday and I can, so I do.

~Co-workers stop by to say hello.~

~Amy scratches at back of knees with ferocity.~

Co-worker: "What's the dealie-o?"

Amy: "We walked a plot of land the other night and I got lots of chiggers and the A-holes are eating me alive, and my aunt made fun of me for getting them from rolling in the hay and I got them even though I wore jeans and socks and shoes!"

~Co-worker produces hydrocortizone cream~ "Here, this has helped with my skeeters."

~Amy applies cream to backs of knees~ "Thanks pal!"

~Other co-worker arrives and apprises situation.~ "Do you also have them in your, ahem, hoo-hoo area?" ~gestures to nether region~

Amy: "No." Yes...

~Third co-worker arrives to tell tales of poison ivy irritations and suggests yet another remedy available at Walgreens.~

~Phone rings. Co-workers scatter~

Ex-Bank: "Hey dude, you closed your account with us, but we got your paycheck anyway."

Amy: "Drat! I shall pick it up shortly."

~informs HR~

~remembers lost debit card, calls Outback but no answer~

~goes to bank and retrieves check~

~driving from ex-bank to new bank, spies woman in front lawn of funeral home dumping an entire bag of sliced bread onto grass.~ ~Wonders to self... Is this some sort of homage paid to a loved one with an affinity for baked goods?, There are no ponds or ducks near by, surely the random birdies can't throw down an entire loaf of bread?, Is white bread, perhaps, a good fertilizer?~

~deposits check at new bank~

~returns to work to humbly ask co-worker to again borrow hydrocortizone cream.~

~complains to Dallas about itchy-ness. Dallas suggests taking very hot bath, scratching heads off chigger mounds, and applying bleach.~

~makes note to obtain own tube of hydrocortizone cream.~

~again recalls lost debit card, calls new bank, puts block on card.~

~spills tea.~

~calls Outback, no answer~

~Looks at clock, sees 11:19, decides it's time to do some actual work, but blogs first out of procrastination and sheer laziness...~


UPDATE:

~Had lunchie lunch with mom, flinged bacon on her shoulder.~

~Complained to her about my chigger woes.~

~Called Outback, they DO have my card.~

1:36 ~ Figure out how to get out of work 3 1/2 hours early to pick up said card.~