My Country Boy

OK, so maybe he doesn't always look much like a country boy, but I assure you, his heart lies out in the fields of a small Kansas town.

And who knew that could be so much fun? It may not be everyone's cup of tea, but I am thoroughly enjoying my introduction to country living. We're not there yet, but we've already got wagon wheel chandeliers picked out, and grand ideas for a community garden on our property. These will all be topics for future blogs, to be sure, but this one has more to do with the heart of my boy from the country.

It's no secret that I'm a high strung, messy basket of nerves most of the time. I can't help it! It's just how I'm hard wired. Dallas, though, is a whole other set of high energy. I think my anxiety comes from not wanting to fail. But I believe his comes from wanting to succeed. Does that make sense? Seems I worry about how to keep the bad away. He worries about bringing the good in.

And I'm learning my lessons bit by little bit. While I tend to focus on the big picture, as in "how will we EVER survive this year? Sell the house? Find a decent rental? Pay off the land? Move two more times? All while being pregnant/with a baby??" D is good to help me take it day by day. Focus on the task at hand, silly!

Yesterday we went up to his parents farm for a while. He's aware of my current obsession with super rustic furnishings, finding diamonds in the rough we can make our own for the house of our dreams. He's also aware of my very serious aversion to acquiring any more crap that won't fit into the current house or storage. His solution? Pilfering the McCarter barn and milk house!

It's doubly brilliant because 1) it's already being stored, and 2) it's free!

So he takes my hand and we wander out to the big red barn and navigate our way through the hay covered floors and find treasures beyond my wildest dreams! Yeah, that's overly dramatic, but there really is some cool stuff in there! Also, I didn't have my camera/phone on me, so no pics this go-round. BUT! We found some great old doors with the original porcelain knobs, a big cone shaped cow feeder dealie that I am convinced will look fantastic on our front porch with fresh flowers cut straight from our garden, AND a couple tables that I accidentally drooled on.

"Shhh", I whispered to him. "Let's not remind your parents they have this stuff." *wink*

But later, while we were eating our hamburgers under the shade of a giant tree in their front yard that - no lie - is sectioned off by a white picket fence and Sharon's gorgeous plants and flowers, she asked what we found and Dallas spilled the beans. She said she's actually been meaning to re-finish the butcher's block table I had my eye on, but that if I'd help her, we could have it for the new house! SCORE!

I'm suspicious Dallas was fully aware his mom would be so willing to share, but I'm so pleased nonetheless!

But then it was time to shoot guns, because that's what country boys do. And girls learning to be country girls also need to learn to shoot, or so I'm told. So we grab some cardboard off the burn pile and hop in the truck to drive down to the pasture. But before you can go into the pasture, you have to drive through this gate that keeps the cows in. And on that gate was the biggest, most monstrous, black and neon yellow spider I've ever seen in my life. "KILL IT" I screech, but Dallas informs me that he's doing his job of eating other bugs and we have to leave him be. Oh.

So we drive down to some old posts where Dallas spray-paints our victim on the cardboard and nails him to a post. He makes sure I've got my ear plugs in before he fires off the first couple of rounds. Then it's my turn! Now his gun is much louder and bigger with more kick than the first one I'd practiced with, so he shows me all about how it works before I step up to the proverbial plate. I was a little nervous about this one, so he stays behind me and keeps his hands on mine while I aim and pull the trigger. Turns out I am awesooooooooome at shooting! No, no... that was a lie. But someday I will be!

We took the long way home, enjoying the break in the heat, stopped by our land and chatted with our neighbors, and listened to the puppies play in the back seat. Bliss!

But the deal is, being out there with him, feeling calmer because of his presence alone, taking our time, enjoying the sights and smells, taking some time away from the house, from "reality", focusing on simpler things, did my soul such good.

But isn't it funny how worry creeps back in with night fall? When it's bedtime and your mind has nothing else to do but think? I whispered to Dallas that my stupid brain was at it again. And as always, he reassured me that "everything will work out". And would you believe I'm inclined to believe him? We always give this stuff up in prayer, but it's awful nice to have a hand to hold on to when you fall asleep.

Listen to me here, ladies. You can't have mine.. But don't you ever settle down until you find a country boy of your very own.

choo choo choo choo

Yesterday was a pretty big day around these parts. I had my first appointment with the doctor! Well, technically she's a certified nurse midwife. My normal doctor doesn't deliver babies, so I had to pick a different one so I picked the only other girl in the office, (call me old fashioned, but I just feel more comfortable with a girl dealing with my girlie parts) but she had to re-schedule me TWICE so I pitched a fit and they asked if I'd like to see Rebecca instead.

Why yes, yes I would.

Turns out, I heart Rebeccca. She is sweet and easy to talk to and had warm hands. She reminded Dallas and I both of his mom, who is also all of those things, (and they both have curly hair) so I warmed up to her immediately. I asked about the delivery and she said she's delivered about 2,000 babies in her 30 years of practicing and as long as I have a normal, healthy pregnancy, she can do it. My fingers are crossed! Not that they weren't anyway.. but you know what I mean.

DISCLAIMER: I'm not overly modest, so if you don't want to hear about the appointment in detail, this would be a good point for you to stop reading.

First, they weigh me. For documentation purposes, I'm 125.5 at 10 weeks. Then they put us in the smallest exam room I've ever had the misfortune of cramming into. It's hard not to become friends with your midwife in that intimate a setting. They ask me all sorts of personal questions about cycles and hoo-hoo's and medications and I'm just waiting for Dallas' blush to start. Then they give me a goodie bag full of diaper coupons and cups for me to bring my pee in to them for future apointments. Awesome. Then they make me put on a smock and a sheet. (this is why there will be no pictures to accompany this post. Mom even sent her camera along, but I'm not interested in showing you guys pictures of myself in a thinly veiled sheet) She did the normal checking of the blood pressure and listened to me breathe.

And then the breast exam begins. This isn't all that big a deal except for the fact that she's a "hand talker". Like Dallas, she isn't able to speak without punctuating every word with a hand gesture. So the entire time she's telling me her story, I'm laying there with a boob out. I found it hard to make eye contact. But I really can usually find the humor in most situations, so instead of feeling overly exposed, I got a minor case of the giggles.

But then, THEN, they announce that since I haven't had a pap this year, they'll be doing one while I'm there. That killed the giggles, and fast. And I tell you what, nothing will bring a couple closer together than a gynecological exam. But D hung in there like a champ! He sat there and dutifully held my pile of clothes and didn't crack any jokes or innuendo. I think he was too disturbed.

And then it's finally time to hear the heart beat! FINALLY! I'm new to this pregnancy gig, y'all, and in my naivety I assumed that was about the only thing I'd be getting done that day. Boy, was I wrong!

Rebecca informed me that it's impossible to know exactly how far along I am, and though on the calendar I'm probably at 10 weeks, I felt more like 9 to her, so don't get too disappointed if we can't find the heartbeat. But I was already disappointed just hearing that. She starts moving the little dealie around and we hear "whoosh, whoosh, whoosh". I look up expectantly, that wasn't hard at all! But, no, she informed me that that was my heart. The baby's will be beating twice as fast. Around and around she goes, all the while reassuring me that even if we can't find it, he's in there and he's ok. She moves her little wand again and we hear "choo choo choo choo". She smiles and announces that that's the baby! I really didn't think I'd react all that much, but I did. It was a big deal. My eyes got misty and it immediately, finally, became real to me.

Then Dallas announced "It sounds like you're growing a choo-choo train in there!" Hahahaa.. Leave it to D. Then I really did get the giggles and that's too bad, because we couldn't hear it as well when I laughed.

When we'd had our fill of little heartbeat she informs me that I can get dressed, which I take to mean the appointment has ended, but alas, that was not the case. She escorts me to the schedulers office where we make two more appointments. One for a sonogram next Friday, and one for another exam in a month. Apparently I'll be seeing them every four weeks, then every two, then each week as we near the due date. However, she did assure me they wouldn't all be so.. ahem.. involved.

Done! Oh wait, no, not done. They take us downstairs to the finance department where they outline how many thousands of dollars it costs to have a baby. I start to feel a little green until she turns the sheet over to announce "But lucky for you two, your insurance will cover ALL the expenses!" Ooooo, I shook my fist at her, she almost had me going!

Now we must be done! Psyche! Still not done! Back upstairs to the lab where they draw blood and make me potty in a cup.

Aaaaaand now I'm done! Until next week. Stay tuned - the saga continues.

And seriously, kudos to Dallas who does NOT do well with needles, blood, or any other medical/clinical stuff. He was right there with me the whole time, just like I know he will be throughout. :)

Me and accessories

I have a love/hate relationship with all things accessory. I love how they look. I hate how they wear.

I'll often catch myself eyeballing other girls and thinking they look so adorable with their stacked bracelets and chunky rings. I, too, have these things, but instead of being on my wrists and fingers... they're sitting in my too-full jewelry box. I love how they look, and every now and then I'll give it the old college try, but usually end up wanting to rip them off me and throw them across the room.

Take today for example. My hair is up and my shirt is collared. Perfect canvas for a set of sassy earrings! Want to guess how long those survived? As long as the 15 minute drive to work. Every time I turned my head, they wiggled my earlobes and bothered me. They are now in my purse.

I'm routinely drawn to jewelry aisles in stores and accessory tabs while shopping online... but who am I kidding? They'll just end up crammed alongside their unused brethren. I'm destined to be a Plain Jane in that department.

The only thing I'm really able to stand wearing is my wedding band. Even my poor diamond doesn't see the light of day as often as it should. But, since I was feeling so saucy this morning I also pulled it out of it's little box to accompany my lonely band. Want to guess where they are now?

Not quite to my purse.. would hate to lose them.. But yeah, just hanging out on my puter..



If this baby is a girl, I sincerely hope her fashion sense falls into the "casual, natural beauty" department. Because even though I do like to shop, and I know what I like, Lord help us if she's into glitz and glamour, because I can't remember the last time I went to the trouble of applying eye shadow.

Hey!

Anonymous commenters: Sign your name! I have no idea who you are!!

Murphy's Law and my husband

Sooooo I've been pretty lucky in life. Things just generally seem to work out for me. When life is teetering on the edge and could go either way, I usually fall on the happy ending side of things. The silver lining of life, as it were.

This is not the case for Dallas. And it's effing up my world.

Poor man tries hard. He really does want to do right by people. Wants to contribute good on this planet. Tries to do the right thing. But apparently karma just thinks it's funny to smack him right in the face from time to time.

A couple examples: Last fall when trying to help out a mutual buddy who wanted to throw a bon fire, Dallas offered to bring wood and in doing so ended up with a huge dent in his brand spanking new truck's fender. Last month while amusing me and attending a work event, his company truck gets broken into and the computer stolen (didn't touch my car). Last night, while picking up a flat bed trailer to help out another buddy haul some stuff today, blew a tire on the trailer, and the spare didn't fit. We were stranded in Ozawkie on a Sunday night with two hungry puppies and one starving pregnant girl. (thank goodness for good buddies that live nearby!)

But the big kicker for me today. I'm somehow able to buy a townhouse, not do a thing to spiff it up, turn around and sell it 8 months later for a tidy little profit. But Dallas... Dallas lives in his house for 5 years. We spend several months and as many thousands of dollars updating, renovating, and fixing. We decide we'll put it on the market this month when - WHEN - the plumbing goes to crap, quite literally. The city, of course, can't be held responsible. So it's now up to us to dig up the yard and part of the road (that's right, the road that the city provides for people to drive on) to fix the issue.

I'm just so peeved because the timing couldn't be worse. Land ain't cheap, folks. And we've committed to paying it off before we break ground. I also hear babies cost money. I'm not complaining about that stuff, because those are decisions we consciously made, knowing it's a lot to take on this year. It's the unexpected, like broken pipes, that rock my world because it just pushes our bottom line further and further away from us.

So my question is: How do I rub my good luck off on him, instead of the other way around??

I hate it when he feels like this...

Andy

I felt I should formally announce the newest member of our family, Andy. He's a perfect, sweet, lovable, cuddly little doll baby. I found him online and picked him out because he has a cloudy eye and was discounted because of it. (WAHHHH!!!! Just broke my heart)

So Dallas drove me and Toby to Lamar, MO this past Sunday to pick him up. He did great the whole drive home and he and Toby are already good buddies. He's doing really well at home too, but when we took him to our vet we found out we didn't exactly get the correct story about his little eye. Turns out he has a condition called Lagophthalmus. His little eyes are drying up. His left eye is pretty much shot, and his right eye is already starting to deteriorate. So we've got to put drops in them 3 times a day for the rest of his life. I just hope that stops it... I hope he doesn't lose his vision totally, or develop ulcers, or need grafting!!

I still don't want to talk about Sophie on here, because nothing could ever replace her. But I have to admit that having this little guy and Toby has helped me. It was just so painfully obvious when I was at home that she wasn't there snuggled on my lap or under my feet or begging for a treat. So it's helped to have the little boys doing all of those things.

We also decided to go ahead and get him now so he and Toby can "grow up" together, and so that we'll hopefully have them all house broken and trained by the time the baby comes!

I heart him.

Isn't this great? I have no idea what it is, or what it was, or if it is being used currently, and haven't found anything about it either! A school house? A chapel? I dunno... But I just love it. It sits outside of Florence, KS, so everytime I head that direction I have to stop for just a minute. :)

Why I'm going to hell, part 2.

I didn't include in my first blog about Tanner's gift that I did in fact send the picture of Tanner with his autographed 8X10 glossy of the Hippster, to the Hippster. Since many of you suggested that I do so, I thought you might be interested in the follow up.

Hey Ralph, I write, (we're on a first name basis now) Thought you might like to see this picture from Tanner's birthday. He was so surprised!

Ralph's reply: That is way cool.. thanks for sending that to me! He looks happy! RH

Doesn't he, Ralph? Doesn't he?

Sure, I could have left well enough alone, but now ol Ralph has a face to match with the name of his #1 fan... muah ah ahhh...

Why I'm going to hell.

I recently asked my brother what he wanted for his birthday. "An autographed photo of Ralph Hipp." (a local news anchor) was his reply.

Ughh. I hate answers like this because they are in fact non-answers. "oh, I'll just throw something cheeky out and then Amy has to come up with a real and awesome gift on her own." Jerk.

But that's fine.. an autographed photo of Ralph Hipp he wants? An autographed photo of Ralph Hipp he'll get.

I go to the station's website and find his email address.

Mr. Hipp, I write, I'm not sure if this is something you would normally do or not, but would you be willing to autograph a picture of yourself for a birthday gift for my brother?

He replied right away: Sure, Amy! There's no way I would charge you for this, I'm so glad you asked and think this would be a good present! Are you here in Topeka; and could come by the station to pick it up? Let me know when his birthday is, and when you might be able to come over. Bring him with you to WIBW if he's nearby..

UH. OHHHHHH... I was assuming he'd just leave it at the front desk for me. No harm, no foul. But this response said to me that he thinks my brother is either very young... or retarded. Do I abort the mission now? Go ahead and get the pic? Or slap a helmet on Tanner and bring him along??

Of course I move forward. My next email indicates how much I appreciate his generosity, and that I'm in Topeka and would be happy to just pick it up sometime.

His next reply: Hi, Amy.. I found a nice 8x10 glossy of the Hippster and brought it to the station with me; I'm ready to sign it, and let me know when you can come over! Could you and Tanner come over to WIBW Friday and see the 4:00 talk show, then I'll give him his picture? Let me know if that might work, and if not, just pick a time and I'll be here!

CRAP! I wasn't expecting the Hippster to be quite so helpful. Again I consider finding some leg braces and taking Tanner on a surprise birthday trip. Lord knows Ralph wouldn't catch on.

But unfortunately we both work on Fridays. I regretfully inform him of my dilemma to which he responds that he'll just leave it at the front desk for me to pick up. Yes! Finally! And even luckier for me, my mother has Friday afternoons off and she was able to pick up said photo.

So teeeechnically I don't have blood on my hands, right? Right??

My Bestest Buddy

7/25/04 - 8/1/10

A very good friend of mine wrote this for my Sophie...

She came into your life, a joy
A snuggling, cuddling, pup.
No matter what the day would bring
She'd lift your spirits up!

Miss Sophie was a the best if dogs,
Her goal to make you smile
Her cheerful face and wagging tail
Made life see so worthwhile

While friends and jobs could come and go,
Your Sophie was forever
She'd boo and hiss, or cheer and jeer
At each newfound endeavor

Apartment, condo, attic, house…
Your Sophie knew her home
And any place that Amy moved
Miss Sophie ruled and roamed.

So sad the day has come to pass
That Sophie isn't here
But while you may not see now,
I know she remains near

Although your cry abundant tears,
Still grieving for your love,
Your Sophie says, "Momma, don't weep,
I'll wait for you above!"

Of course this pain will last a bit,
but let not life stand still
Remember her with all your heart,
Her character and will

Miss Sophie holds a sacred place
Her spirit is unending
Your memories will be there for life,
Your heart to go forward mending

A special, spoiled, loving, girl...
A constant source of laughter
We honor her and all she was
From then to ever after