Schendelize Em!

The company I work for recently renovated and built on like a trillion dollars worth of stuff, and back in November I moved into my new office. It's beautiful and wonderful and I appreciate my space very much. I've got lots of windows and a great view and I decorated it up so that it says "Amy". I'm happy in my little corner of the professional world.

And aside from the naughty co-worker who likes to come in here to eat snacks and leave crumbs around (and you know who you are!), I haven't had a problem one since I moved in.

That is until here recently when the weather got a little nicer and bugs started hatching. Me and both my neighbors have noticed lady bugs wandering around on our windows and the ledges. In fact, I'm looking at a dead one right now. (Is that my responsibility, or the cleaning crew?) Anyway, the lady bugs and I have reached an agreement. They don't bother me, I don't bother them. Plus, they're kinda cute in a "springey" sort of way. (right, mom?) So technically I'm counting them as decoration.

But today... I was just sitting here, minding my own business, when the Jaws theme song started playing. What the?! I glance around, left shoulder, then right, but can't perceive any danger so I get back to work.

Dun dun... dun dun... dun dun dun dun DUNNNN!!!

AAAHHHHH!!! There's a giant spider in here and he's coming right for me!! I panic and IM my aforementioned co-worker "friend" to ask her to come help me and kill him. She not-so-politely declined.

Crap! But he's got a knife and he's flying gang colors! (Not to mention he brought his own boom box to play scary music just to intimidate me.)

She still refused to help.

So I grab my box of Kleenex and try to sneak up on him even though I'm making noises that if I could spell would look like: eeeaaakkkiiiicckkkkeeewwwwww!!! But then the little sucker pulls out a Houdini move and starts to hang glide down the side of the wall between my desk.

Double crap. I am NOT sticking my arm down there to be hacked off by his machete. So I wait. We eyeball each other. And I wait some more.

Light bulb! I'll pretend to go back to work and act like I'm not guarding my tasty bag of Gardetto's. And sure enough! The little jerk climbs his way back out of the hole and I smash the crap out of him.

Amy: 1, Spider: 0.

But seriously? Who are we not paying to exterminate this place??

The first day of spring

Yesterday was the first day of spring.



We got 7 inches of snow.



Gotta love Kansas.

That crazy dog lady

You know how everyone has a "crazy cat lady" in their neighborhood? The one at the end of the street with the unkepmt yard, peeling paint, and dozens of cats running around?

I sorta feel like I'm her equivalent in the Shih-Tzu world. True, I only have one, and I don't wear a cardigan every day, but I LOVE that little dog and we often have serious conversations.

Take last night for example. It was fiesta night, so I was making guacamole, minding my own business, when Sophie runs in.

Sophie (if she could talk): Mom! Gimme some of that!

Me (actually talking): No, little muffin, it'll make you poo a lot and then you'll have to take a bath. And you hate baths.

Sophie: C'mon, it'll be ok! I used to eat people food all the time until that one, *ahem*, unfortunate incident.

Me: But you've already had your own food, several treats, and a dentie bone today. You know, if someone loved me as much as I love you, maybe I would be a little healthier too.

Me: Hmm.

Sophie: Wanders off, licks foot, falls asleep.

So yeah, oddly enough, I've had a lot of "a-ha" moments thanks to that little doggie.

Moderation

My cousin Staci was right... Caffeine withdrawals suck. The headaches are bad and it makes me cranky. Also? I don't deal well with not getting what I want.

So what I've decided is just that I need a little more balance in my life. I don't need to have Pepsi with my oatmeal in the mornings, at lunch no matter what I'm eating, as an after dinner treat, and then while I'm on the treadmill, but I do need to have it with Mexican food and pizza. And popcorn.

Call me a quitter if you'd like, but Tanner and cellulite can kiss my grits.

Heinous...

https://www.wspa-usa.org/pages/3063_banner_ad_lp_bear_baiting.cfm

You know those awful ads from the WSPCA that pop up on your yahoo account? I find this one especially terrible and it's been eating at me all day. I need to adopt some more animals or find lots of money to send to these people....

Highwaters and Humility

If there was ever a lesson my Grandpa Stearman taught me, it was humility. Never has such a meek and mild man walked this earth. He was the epitome of all things good and kind and patient. My grandpa was always unassuming and happy to take the back seat to let someone else shine. He was never jealous, he never questioned why others may have received more attention than he did, and he was always truly and genuinely happy for the good fortune of others.

These traits don't come quite so naturally to me. I have days where I feel extra sassy, and times where I just need some one's attention, and even moments of feeling a sense of entitlement. But I've always felt that God was upstairs doing his best to keep me in check, to help me keep that balance between healthy self-esteem and developing a sense of arrogance.

On those days when I'm doing my little turn on the cat walk, on the cat walk, yeah on the cat walk, I will absolutely trip. My heel will get stuck in a grate. I will dribble salsa on my shirt. I've always been able to laugh at my clumsiness, but I also always realize there is a lesson there too. Basically, JC telling me, "Don't get too big for your britches there, sister."

On days I travel for work and know I won't make it back in to the office, oftentimes I'll take comfy clothes to make the drive home in. This past Tuesday when I had appointments in Belleville and knew I'd be a little late getting back to town, I packed my t-shirt, some tennies and a pair of sweatpants I'd recently purchased, washed, and then not put on again. You can see where I'm going with this. I pulled my pants on and they BARELY touched the tops of my shoes. I'm talking serious shortage. Highwaters to the max.

Meh, I said to myself, I'll only be in the car anyway. So I buckle up, put the ol Ipod on shuffle, and the first song that plays is "I Will Rise" By Chris Tomlin. And I break down. We played this song at Grandpa's funeral and I still can't hear it without crying. But I love the song, and it makes me think of Grandpa, so I leave it on as I'm cruising through nothing but farm land. That drive takes about two and a half hours, and Grandpa stayed in the periphery of my mind the entire time. They're always good, warm, and comforting thoughts... but painful too, because that wound is still tender.

I was almost to Holton when Dallas said he was going to grab Sophie and do some work on his house. So I said I'd swing by when I got into town and see if he needed any help. He didn't, really, but he DID need to go to Home Depot. And then was hungry for Chinese food. And then I realized I needed to pick up some food for Sophie. And all of this in my high waters. So while I felt a little embarrassed, and did my best to pull them down as low as I could, somehow it didn't bother me so much when the really pretty girl at Petland looked me up and down as though she didn't approve. Instead of feeling inferior, a picture of Grandpa's over-all's came to my mind. Those striped, railroader over-all's with worn knees and a healthy layer of dirt symbolized so much more than just an outfit. They showed me that no matter what you wear or how you look, people will love you and respect you for being the person God wants you to be.

Grandpa took those lessons to heart and left an incredible legacy.

So now when I receive those little reminders of who I should be, and what a Godly woman looks like, I feel like He sends Grandpa to deliver the message.

Stupid, dumb...

Stupid, dumb headache.

Stupid, dumb caffeine withdrawals.

Stupid, dumb Tanner.

H2O no!

I'm driving to Eureka this morning and Tanner and I are having a typical text message conversation:

Tanner: Buy me a baby alligator.

Me: No, it'll grow up big and chomp you.

Tanner: I need to be tan if I'm gonna be big sexy.

Me: Same. Buy me a tanning package.

Tanner: 311 will go down in history like Vince Gill at Christmas time.

Me: I have a cold and my head is full of snot and my ears are all crackly.

Tanner: (no response, no sympathy)

And then we talked about what we had for breakfast.

Tanner: Mmm, cottage cheese sandwich.

Me: I had Cheez-Its and a Pepsi. Delish.

Tanner: You're chubby and pop gives you pimples and diabetes. (He didn't really say that, but doesn't it sound like him?)

Anyway, he did actually go on to tell me about all the evils of my beloved Pepsi. And it did get me thinking about how much pop I actually do consume. And then I began to wonder if, somehow, all the hype might actually be true. Could this be the reason I'm breaking out worse than an adolescent during puberty? Is this why my nails are all brittle and keep breaking? Is all that caffeine the culprit behind my sleepless nights? Will proper hydration actually make my skin look less wrinkley and make me lose weight like the little stick figures that give up pop on that one commercial?

Hmm. Might be worth looking into.

I stopped at the Casey's in Eureka and bought a liter of their mountain spring water. It doesn't have quite the same kick Pepsi gives me, but I did find it mildly refreshing and I'm a woman on a mission.

How bad are caffeine withdrawls, anyway?

March Madness

And NO, I'm not talking about basketball! I'm talking about the fact that the temperatures have finally creeped above freezing, that my courtyard is wet from melting snow, and that I heard birds chirping when I let Sophie out this morning. That, my friends, means that spring has almost sprung!

It makes me want to wear tank tops and flip flops and board shorts. I want to go shopping for pastels. I feel like I should set an appointment to get my hairs highlighted and my toes polished. I want to TAN!

The forecast has this weekend in the 60's and it's amazing what it has done for my psyche. I'm all happy and smiley and switched to Diet Dr. Pepper because I'm on the offensive against the cellulite on my butt.

I've decided to have a great year this year to counteract the last, and I'm going to look good while doing it - gosh darn it!!